many years ago at the grand old age of seventeen i liked to dress in a very bohemian hippy style (some i am sure, would say i still do). when my meagre paycheck (life as a bar maid in a working man's pub) would allow me, i would head to the high street store Annoki (hope i got the spelling correct on that one). one such fine day while still living at home with my folks in the lovely city of Cambridge, i strode into Annoki with my doctor marten boots and thrift store postman's jacket on. waiting for me on the sale rail was a "stop me in my tracks" jacket with my name on it. it was perfect in every way except for the price tag. i still remember the mandarin collar, the color, the fit and best of all the wonderful embroidered pattern across the back. i didn't have a hope of affording it even on sale. i went home and later that night told my dad about it. he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet and gave me the money telling me to go back in the morning and purchase it, if it was that special to me...i got up early and headed to the store only to find that it had been sold at closing time the day before. it was the only one, they would have no others.
i still get a pang in my heart whenever i think of that jacket knowing it would have served me well and probably still be hanging in my wardrobe today...sadly dear readers i fear i will have the same pang every time i think of the yellow house in years to come. it is not my destiny to live in it, i can't see that now but that must be what it is. if i lived in the olden days i would tell you "i am in a wretched state of despair" take myself to bed, have my servants care for me and dote on my every 'sigh' and 'whimper' but it is not the olden days and so i tell you "i am totally gutted" as i lie on my bed staring up at my ceiling fan wishing with all my heart that it had turned out a different story..
so in the words of Gabrielle (and please forgive me my sadness and my tears over a yellow house) i leave you with pictures of my packed away empty studio that looks and feels just like my heart...
"i know that it's over
but i can't believe it's through
they say that time's a healer
and i'm better without you
it's gonna take time i know
but i'll get over you
look at my life
look at my heart
i have seen them fall apart
now i'm ready to rise again" ~ Tif